I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
