If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
