i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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