You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
