I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
