your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
