we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
