I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
