Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
