"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
