You're my little dorito
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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