It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize