Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
