She's JV to your varsity
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
