We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
