I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is that a dick in a sweater?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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