So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
