I showed him my bush... on skype.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
