She's JV to your varsity
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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