he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
