she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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