I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
