Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
