my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
