went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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