I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
