i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
