I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize