Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
