Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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