"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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