my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
