then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
