Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
