the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
