we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize