so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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