the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
