Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
