Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
