Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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