if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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