we have officially lost it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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