a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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