I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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