Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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