Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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