I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
