just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
