Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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