I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
