All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
