so explain again why im purple
no
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
