Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
