I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this boner is exhausting
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
