I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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