You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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