How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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