my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
