I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
