drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i love accidental penises.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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