This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
