i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
