Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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